Illusion & Light

It has been six months since my last entry and I've missed writing my stories. Let me begin with a heartfelt salutation to all of you.

Namaste-ji.

derived from Sanskrit ~

I honour the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. The place that is of light, of love, of truth, of peace and of wisdom. I honour the place in you where when you are in that place, and I am in that place ... we are One.

A great deal has occurred in my life since our return from Indochina. It has occupied time and contemplation to the point that I never managed to find my way back here to finish our stories from the holiday. I had intended to devote an entire entry to Alan and how much he enjoyed the shopping.

And so it is now May 2009. I would like do a quick rewind to the time I created this blog and wrote my very first entry in April 2008, I Love My Life. In my profile at the time under occupation, I had with a smile, a wish and reflective resolve typed – A photographer, someday. I then wrote the introductory entry with exploration and new beginnings in mind.

Here is the final paragraph from that first entry:

Now at 45, I'm thinking I want to retire. I want to venture into something new. It's time to take my art out of these personal quarters.

I am happy to announced that on Friday May 15 2009 … I celebrated my last working day at Catholic Education.

In this new chapter of my life ... I am a photographer.

That I could turn my dreams of being a professional photographer into a reality only struck me as an actual possibility when we returned from that last holiday. It was so terribly humid in Saigon and Siem Reap, and I had a very difficult time drumming up the energy to carry my heavy camera equipment around, even though it would have been Alan that did the actual lugging. I still felt exhausted at just the thought of him doing so. It was as if I had lost all interest in travel photography. You see, I was not coping with the rivulets of perspiration and the severe water retention in my legs and hands. So mostly, we never bothered to take the equipment with us. It was enough for me that we managed to leave the air-conditioned comfort of our hotels to venture out and keep our wandering spirits at adventure seeking levels each day.

I believe we only took photos on two maybe three days of the total holiday. Yet, when I began to upload all the photos, I felt that regardless of our sweaty deficiencies in camera time … somehow, something that spoke of the essence of Saigon and Siem Reap had been captured. I knew I had made photos that told individual stories and that Alan had captured wonderful moments during the times when the weight of the camera and the Canon zoom EF 28 – 300 mm lens had made me surrender in swollen weariness during those two or three days.

If you have read my description of Siem Reap you may remember my comment: Cambodia is Buddha country. My friends, it really is and being there made me want to be Maya, so I began using my Buddhist name when I introduced myself. It is difficult to explain, but amongst the lotus flowers and the Theravada community, I felt like I had successfully navigated my way through a course. That after the last few years of Dhamma study I was finally worthy of a new title. Using my Buddhist name was perhaps my illusion of a graduation.

Maya truly is the spiritual part of me who is stretched with new experiences and ever mindful of everyday miracles. She is the artist, the creator, the one who reminds me that I am free and keeps me in the present moment. Maya is my Indian spirit. She is Light. Upon our return home, I did not want to give up being acknowledged as Maya and it saddened me.

“Work as if you do not need money.” she whispered to me as I looked at the photos from our holiday. "Be Maya. Stop hiding, girl."

What a concept ... to work as if we do not need the money. Could I leave Catholic Education and the work I had done for so long? Would we manage financially? It was Alan my pillar of light and love who reminded me that we had already made it through our 'hungry years'. He could see that the rewards of my leaving would be a sound investment in my spiritual well being, for I have for lengthy periods wrestled in spiritual conflict while at Catholic Education. Yes, I love photography and art but I also enjoy the part-time work I did at Catholic Education, it was not in any way stressful or difficult. I truly loved my friends and immediate boss endearingly as well.

But almost every day since 2005, I have increasingly felt that I was not in a position that met with one of the aspects of the Eightfold Path, that of Right Livelihood. I could easily do my photography within the time I was not at work ... but I would never fully embrace Maya as long as I remained. For when I was there, I had to so often hide that very real and very significant part of me.

And so I began to till the soils of my new business. I planted seeds of interest by showing my photographs. I spent a few minutes each day reading and digesting articles online from a digital photography school. I spent hours staring at the way the light hit different surfaces. And I started thinking of a name for the business. Maya ... something ... Photography. I wanted something Indian and beautiful. Now might be a good time to remind you that Maya means Illusion … a fantasy, a magical apparition, an image. Very much like a photograph, for isn't a photograph just a skillful mix of illusion and light?

I went through so many names and nothing seemed to fit, even though the right one was staring at me all the time. Then one day as I was doing my ironing and re-watching Indian actor (and very yummy daddy) Hrithik Roshan play Emperor Akbar on Jodhaa Akbar - it suddenly struck me. I went into fits of giggles.

Roshan (m) Roshni (f) from the hindi word Roshani. Meaning ... light!

Illusion & Light. Maya Roshni Photography. I reckon it works.